while waiting...

Nehemiah 9:21For forty years you sustained them in the desert; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.

This is a very interesting line to notice. Pastor was talking about their shoes not worn out, feet didn't swollen because they gave to the Lord. But notice all these happened while the children of Israel were still w.o.w.a in the wilderness? (w.o.w.a - wondering wandering..). Even before they reached the promise land, the Lord sustained them, the lacked nothing, they were not in want, and they were healthy.

Men are not perfect, doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that. In NCC, we are well taght that believers are in the promise land because of Jesus's finished work, even so, i have to admit, i felt many times, i am still w.o.w.a in the wildreness. i still doubt His goodness some times, and keep asking Him again and again: How ah Lord.. how ah.. tell me Lord, tell me.. while the scriptures is so clear in front of me, while pastor said again and again by the spirit in his preaching. i am still not sure, insecure, indecisive, don't know what to do...

Jesus is never impatient, how many times it may be, He'll hold on to me (cause i'll always be the one to let go first). I kind of enjoy this uncertainty, in doubt, thinking of what's next, while knowing He is there, not just watching, but when i step out, His step will be bigger to be in front of me for my defence, while His the other step still guarding me from the back.

I know i can trust you Lord, i need more faith to trust you, i give you this faith of mine, even smaller then a mustard seed, and let You turn it to a great tree. A tree of life. Lead me by your peace Lord, and let me be conscious of Your pressence more and more. Let Your Spirit teach me things i lack understanding, and i shall lack nothing, my clothes whall not wore out (cause it's Your robe of Righteousness), and my feet shal not swell (cause Your shoes of peace protected me). If i cannot believe You, make me believe You!

いつまても、君のことを信じたい。だけど、信じられない場所は、私に’しんじろう！’と教えってくださいね！頼むね。イエス。。