Jesus

When i turn my eyes upon Jesus
Look full to HIS wonderful face
and the thing of earth
just go strangely dim
in the Light of His glory and grace

I turn my eyes upon Jesus
Look full to Your wonderful face
and all things of earth
just go strangely dim
in the Light of YOUR glory and grace.

2006-jan-17

綾女（Ayame）さん！

あやー！(Aya!)

Recently i discover this interesting Japanese anime: Fruits Basket and i end up bought the whole series of DVD and all 18 issues of comic.. HAHAHA!

The story is about an orphaned high school girl who discover a secret of her princely classmate and his family members; they are possessed with spirit of the 12 chinese zodiac, and will transform to the animal when he/she is embraced by opposite sex or feeling unwell.

My favourite character is this elder brother of that princely classmate. He is the 'snake' in the family. A bit idoitic, yet cheerful and loud, egotistical, and over-dramatic, nothing can stop him from expressing himself, always see himself as one from royal family and doesn't care if people can take his flirtatious action. The only concern he has is his relationship with his younger brother, and always trying hard to close the gap.

He draw my attention first by his look (these beautiful guys with long white hair always catch my attention), then his full-of-expression and laughter simply add life to any circumstance. His attitude is always: I am king! obey me! As if he is never wrong, and is able to talk his way through any problem.

hmm.. i don't understand why this fello is so adorable. but i think someone like him must be quite happy most of the time. He doesn't worry much about life, and doesn't care how people look at him, just enjoy what he's doing. I must have envied such lifestyle.

(Then the Lord told me, if you are always conscious of how righteous you are in me, that you're never wrong in my sight, you are king before any circumstance, you can live life without worries because you rest in me, you can laugh out loud because my joy is your strength, you don't have to envy a fictional character, and trust me, I look more handsome then that fello)

-_-

while waiting...

Nehemiah 9:21For forty years you sustained them in the desert; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.

This is a very interesting line to notice. Pastor was talking about their shoes not worn out, feet didn't swollen because they gave to the Lord. But notice all these happened while the children of Israel were still w.o.w.a in the wilderness? (w.o.w.a - wondering wandering..). Even before they reached the promise land, the Lord sustained them, the lacked nothing, they were not in want, and they were healthy.

Men are not perfect, doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that. In NCC, we are well taght that believers are in the promise land because of Jesus's finished work, even so, i have to admit, i felt many times, i am still w.o.w.a in the wildreness. i still doubt His goodness some times, and keep asking Him again and again: How ah Lord.. how ah.. tell me Lord, tell me.. while the scriptures is so clear in front of me, while pastor said again and again by the spirit in his preaching. i am still not sure, insecure, indecisive, don't know what to do...

Jesus is never impatient, how many times it may be, He'll hold on to me (cause i'll always be the one to let go first). I kind of enjoy this uncertainty, in doubt, thinking of what's next, while knowing He is there, not just watching, but when i step out, His step will be bigger to be in front of me for my defence, while His the other step still guarding me from the back.

I know i can trust you Lord, i need more faith to trust you, i give you this faith of mine, even smaller then a mustard seed, and let You turn it to a great tree. A tree of life. Lead me by your peace Lord, and let me be conscious of Your pressence more and more. Let Your Spirit teach me things i lack understanding, and i shall lack nothing, my clothes whall not wore out (cause it's Your robe of Righteousness), and my feet shal not swell (cause Your shoes of peace protected me). If i cannot believe You, make me believe You!

いつまても、君のことを信じたい。だけど、信じられない場所は、私に’しんじろう！’と教えってくださいね！頼むね。イエス。。