Enjoying His presence

Yesterday i rename my nick in msn: Pastor's hair is hard to touch-up! Well i wasn't complaining, as the matter of fact i was doing it in joy. My stomach started grumbling at around 10am, but once i started putting the layout together, i forgot about my hunger, forgot about air-con too cold, forgot about it was lunch time.

How time flies in new place, it's been 2 months since i joint. Everything is new and fun, exploring new ideas, even little thing like putting in chuch logo has so much joy in it, and when i saw my name appear in the magazine, it was like a dream!

The Lord continue to teach me to enjoy Him and rely on Him more and more, after sharing with my new colleague, who came in with so much similarity in experience, we both felt that the Lord is SOOOOO gracious to us.

For those who wants to join the church full time, i'll be lying if i said working in our church is not good, but be led by the Lord. For me, working in church only came across as an idea, i never expected it to come to pass. i still remember put aside application form that was half filled, and i guess the Lord wants to give me a push, so He brought me to interview before the filling up form part. Hmm.. tricky.

Lifter of my head

Today is my last day serving in this company, 2 more weeks i'll be working in church, where i received my feeding of words 5 years ago.

5 years ago... i joint this company, few months later, i got saved in church. 5 years later, i left this company and join the church.

In this company i learnt so much, things i didn't get to learn previously, not just in terms of knowledge in work, but walk with the Lord, learn to stay in His rest, depend on His ability instaed of trust in mine, and led by the Spirit, taught by the Spirit in all things pertaining to work.

Now when I think about it, it was as if the Lord was trainning me up, raising me, preparing me to soar in His land. Pastor once asked: Have you entered your promise land? your menukah? the REST of God?

I know it's not about being there physically. He taught me, through this job, that it's not where you were, or where you will be, it's where you are; [present tense], because Jesus is the 'I AM', the very present God. But i can't help but think, that Jesus had installed great great thing ahead of me, straighten my path, brighten it. From a little match stick, He strike me against challenges, light me up, and the Spirit is like air help the fire burning, and turn me into a pillar of fire (ok a bit exassurate here.. just visualise)

It's had to say goodbye to good colleagues and familiar working environment, yet it's also exciting to move on to new place to experience the greater manifestation of Jesus's love, in His environment, doing His job.

The future of the righteous will get brighter and brighter, the way of the righteous is easy, in the first place, it's Jesus who justified me and gave me His righteousness.

There's no greater love, except from Him who gave Himself for me, my Glory, the Lifter of my head. My Lord Jesus.

one month

I just notice it happened in exactly one month.

On Dec 16 I received call to join the church design team. I was hesitating; this is too good to be true. Although i prayed for it months ago, but when it finally comes, i got cool feet. So I told the Lord: You gotta talk to me.

That night, Pastor P preach about: Jesus is the light at your feet, not your expressway, walk one step at a time. Also, give to the Lord the gift He gave you, and remember God is a good paymaster.

Loud and clear.. but i was not willing to believe.

From Dec 18 till Jan, i went for interview after interview, yes and no, to join or not to join, measuring the pros and cons, asking around friends and family, and keeping asking Jesus: tell me what to do!

On Jan 14th, before Pastor C started his sermon, he prayed: those who going through career change, the Lord give you wisdom and guidance.. my tears went out

On Jan 15th, Pastor P preached a powerful sermon on: launch out into the deep, step out of your comfort zone. Give to Jesus the natural and let it turn to supernatural..

It was too loud to be missed.

I realised how weak my flesh is, so i decided to leave it to the Lord. I told Him: make decision for me.

So He does, before i know, i had told Pastor L i am joining the church. My flesh broke down and cry for its defeat, my spirit rejoice over its victory.

A days later, the Lord give another good news in terms of salary package. Surprise..@_@ I didn't want to expect bad news, but didn't thought of good news either.

Everything happened so fast. I haven't even react with my own rationale. But thank Jesus for that, cause i saw how weak i can be, my reasoning only tore me apart.

Imagine sitting in the train, and some stranger besides you happen to be reading some bible study book and the one scripture is printed there:

John 15:16
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.

Amen...

Jesus

When i turn my eyes upon Jesus
Look full to HIS wonderful face
and the thing of earth
just go strangely dim
in the Light of His glory and grace

I turn my eyes upon Jesus
Look full to Your wonderful face
and all things of earth
just go strangely dim
in the Light of YOUR glory and grace.

2006-jan-17

綾女（Ayame）さん！

あやー！(Aya!)

Recently i discover this interesting Japanese anime: Fruits Basket and i end up bought the whole series of DVD and all 18 issues of comic.. HAHAHA!

The story is about an orphaned high school girl who discover a secret of her princely classmate and his family members; they are possessed with spirit of the 12 chinese zodiac, and will transform to the animal when he/she is embraced by opposite sex or feeling unwell.

My favourite character is this elder brother of that princely classmate. He is the 'snake' in the family. A bit idoitic, yet cheerful and loud, egotistical, and over-dramatic, nothing can stop him from expressing himself, always see himself as one from royal family and doesn't care if people can take his flirtatious action. The only concern he has is his relationship with his younger brother, and always trying hard to close the gap.

He draw my attention first by his look (these beautiful guys with long white hair always catch my attention), then his full-of-expression and laughter simply add life to any circumstance. His attitude is always: I am king! obey me! As if he is never wrong, and is able to talk his way through any problem.

hmm.. i don't understand why this fello is so adorable. but i think someone like him must be quite happy most of the time. He doesn't worry much about life, and doesn't care how people look at him, just enjoy what he's doing. I must have envied such lifestyle.

(Then the Lord told me, if you are always conscious of how righteous you are in me, that you're never wrong in my sight, you are king before any circumstance, you can live life without worries because you rest in me, you can laugh out loud because my joy is your strength, you don't have to envy a fictional character, and trust me, I look more handsome then that fello)

-_-

while waiting...

Nehemiah 9:21For forty years you sustained them in the desert; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.

This is a very interesting line to notice. Pastor was talking about their shoes not worn out, feet didn't swollen because they gave to the Lord. But notice all these happened while the children of Israel were still w.o.w.a in the wilderness? (w.o.w.a - wondering wandering..). Even before they reached the promise land, the Lord sustained them, the lacked nothing, they were not in want, and they were healthy.

Men are not perfect, doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that. In NCC, we are well taght that believers are in the promise land because of Jesus's finished work, even so, i have to admit, i felt many times, i am still w.o.w.a in the wildreness. i still doubt His goodness some times, and keep asking Him again and again: How ah Lord.. how ah.. tell me Lord, tell me.. while the scriptures is so clear in front of me, while pastor said again and again by the spirit in his preaching. i am still not sure, insecure, indecisive, don't know what to do...

Jesus is never impatient, how many times it may be, He'll hold on to me (cause i'll always be the one to let go first). I kind of enjoy this uncertainty, in doubt, thinking of what's next, while knowing He is there, not just watching, but when i step out, His step will be bigger to be in front of me for my defence, while His the other step still guarding me from the back.

I know i can trust you Lord, i need more faith to trust you, i give you this faith of mine, even smaller then a mustard seed, and let You turn it to a great tree. A tree of life. Lead me by your peace Lord, and let me be conscious of Your pressence more and more. Let Your Spirit teach me things i lack understanding, and i shall lack nothing, my clothes whall not wore out (cause it's Your robe of Righteousness), and my feet shal not swell (cause Your shoes of peace protected me). If i cannot believe You, make me believe You!

いつまても、君のことを信じたい。だけど、信じられない場所は、私に’しんじろう！’と教えってくださいね！頼むね。イエス。。

Spiritual excitement vs uneasy mind

It's so easy to say: my trust is in the Lord, it's so easy to say: the Lord will guide me in all ways.

But when the rubber meets the road, do you really really (i mean deep down in you) have faith in Him, believe that no matter what happen, you can trust Him, and He will guide in all ways?

I learnt this recently, still in the midst of discovering more, but it's exciting enough to share just the prelude of it.

Pastor said don't seek signs.. ok, no signs, so Lord, you have to tell me loud and clear what i need to hear. Well, it's surprising, that even the Lord can tell me loud and clear, i can still miss it.. because the heart is not hearing. I repeated myself a few times, by sharing during fellowship (thank God for hearing friends) to find out what the Lord said.

Take the first step, one step at a time, don't rush. :-)

He is the light at your feet, not the lights along your expressway, He wants me to enjoy the moments, enjoy trusting Him, although with uncertainties, butterflies flapping in the stomach. I can say of Him: JESUS i just try this out.. i don't care how it'll turn out, i have nothing to loss. Because if i don't take the first step, I'll never ever find out what You have install for me, it'll be something exciting, something i'll like, will enjoy, because you said: I know the plan i have for you, a plan to prosper you not to harm you.

So I took the first step. After that i realised He has tell me not just loud and clear but many many times from many scriptures, so exciting to know! psalms, proverbs.. through pastor..

I melted before pastor, while sharing about my experience serving Him, my friend said of me: beyond convinced, i was the one trying to convince myself to take the first step, because i know, the spirit is already jumping and cheering His way there.. it's the 'i' that's dragging me back. so wはt's next?

I don't know, and I don't care, it's not for me to decide in the first place. It's He who did it for me, He knows what is the best for me, and what i need is more faith in Him, Lord! Lord! give me more faith that i can believe you more and more, i just want to enjoy this journey with You, and see Your power unveil.

イエースのことを大好き！イエースが大好き！君だけ大好き！

Spirit-directed life

Yesterday pastor preached a very spiritual service, not the content, but the way he preached it was spiritual. It was led by the Spirit, no plan, no notes, but following the flow of the Spirit, pastor just say what ever was put in his mouth, everyone was laughing, yet amazed of how the Lord was speaking to them, and although it's something touchy to be preached in church, there's grace in the set where everyone could still sit comfortably under the messages. It was a rare experience of heart to heart talk to the father of the house. After pastor finished preaching, he prayed for almost a hour, on various thing, and led the people into greater faith to believe our Abba's goodness even more.

The Lord is my fountain of living water..the coming year, be led by the Spirit in the greater way.
よろしく、お願いします。Thank you Jesus...